The Guillotine
During the French Revolution, many people were having their heads cut off by the sharp blade of the guillotine-one day was special. It was a doctor who went up and laid down- but when the lever was pressed to send the blade crashing down-it didn't work. The executioner told him "okay, you can go free". Then a lawyer had to lie down and wait for the blade to come down. When the lever was pressed, it was stuck- the blade did not release! So the executioner let him go free. The next person who came was an engineer. He laid down, looked up at the blade and said, "Oh, I see what the problem is!"

The Parrot that Stuttered
A man had a parrot he was trying to teach to talk- but the parrot stuttered. It stuttered so bad it couldn't learn to talk. One day the man was in a hardware store talking to the owners and was telling about his parrot that stuttered, the hardware owners said- "oh, that's easy, just file a little bit off from its beak and it will talk just fine. Here is a file for only $5.95. So the man bought the file and took it home. The next day, the man came back to return the file to get his money back. The owner asked, "Why, didn't filing its beak work?" Well, I never got a chance to use it after I put him in the vise.